Basically, with our relationship, he was very romantic, very old-fashioned.

Was he in love with you?

Yeah, very much.

And you were in love with him? The same, yeah.

And you still are?

Yeah. It's hard, because sometimes in the middle of all this, I just sit, and I just miss him, and kind of wish that all of this had never happened. I also fell very cheated. I saw As Is, and one of the most touching things about the play was that it gave the two ex-lovers a chance to be together and to help each other through it. I was denied that. Why were you denied that?

First of all, I didn't know he had AIDS. When I found out he did, I was barred from his hospital room. Even in the same house, when we were still living together, I was told I shouldn't go into his bedroom. Of course, I did, anyway.

Who told you that?

His secretary and his business manager. And Tom Clark, who was brought back to the house temporarily. I'd do it, anyway. I'd sneak up there when no one was looking and talk with him.

And he liked that? Yeah.

Who was giving the orders?

Basically it was Mark Miller. And Tom Clark. It didn't prevent Shirley Boone from racing in with her Bible ablaze and doing her voodoo rites over his body.

I read about that. Repeat again, if you will, the lines in As Is that you feel are pertinent to your situation now.

Well, I can't remember verbatim, but the line when Sol looks over at Richie and he says, "You mean, you've had this disease for three months, and you didn't tell me?" That hit home immediately. And then the one of Richie saying that he was so afraid of dying and so pissed off about it he would take down anybody he could. I can understand that, too. I'm sure Rock went through that thing as well. Also, you know, when you're a President or a movie star of whatever, I thinkEspecially when you're Rock Hudson, who was a better actor and probably would have made a better President than-

And he's also played the President. Why don't we get Ronald Reagan to play Rock Hudson? No. But when you're sheltered like that and you believe in your own image, I think a lot of them think they can never be hurt and they can never die. You know. These are perpetuators of myth while they're still living. I'm sure that's what happened with Elvis.

There is a report that came out in our infamous New York Post, saying that Rock Hudson was a bisexual. They had pictures of this woman that they claimed was one of his lovers. Is there any validity to any of that that you know of?

There is validity to the fact that he had been bisexual.

"Had" been?

Had been. Whether he was in the last ten years, I don't really know, but he had affairs with women in the '50s. And, contrary to popular opinion, he actually was in love with the woman he married. They fell out of love as soon as they married, which happens with most heterosexual couples. Marriage is the best way to end the love affair, sometimes. Marriage is grounds for divorce.

What about the time that you were with him? Would you consider him a homosexual or a bisexual?

He was primarily homosexual. I really believe everyone is born bisexual; most people make the choice of what they want when they're adolescents, and most people choose one or the other.

Are you homosexual?

Right now, I'm a practicing eunuch.

I realize that's a bad question, but I have to ask.

I am homosexual, I am heterosexual, and

How does that deal with the suit?

My lawyer says that there are torts in the law about mental cruelty, intended mental cruelty. I certainly think there was intent here. Also, the fact that not only is my sex life terminated, at least for the time being, but my unemployment-like you asked me before, about finding work and such. Are you continuing to go through tests for antibodies?

Yeah. Yeah.

From the doctors you've talked to, do you really think there's an indication or possibility of you getting ARC or AIDS?

I think if you have antibodies, it's an indication you might. But I've also been told that you can have the virus and not have antibodies, which means that it could be incubating. So there's no clear-cut way. Because so little is known, and even far less was known a year ago, I can't see why these people didn't tell me. I mean, if Rock and I had broken up, and I had moved out and moved in with somebody else, that person might have been exposed, maybe that person could have been promiscuous, or I could have been, or whatever. A chain reaction could have happened. They never took that into consideration. They never even urged me to take a test. I think I could have even had an anonymous letter saying, "You've been exposed to someone with it, please go get checked out." I never even got that.

Did you ever know of Rock using IV drugs, or recreational drugs at all?

The only thing I know that was prescribed were things for his heart.

I mean heroin or cocaine.

No, no, no. He didn't even smoke marijuana. he was very clean about all that. And yourself?

No. I went through that in the '60s. You know, the life of a chicken is, what, six, seven years? I'm 32 now. I did that in the '60s. I tried acid, I tried all the things everyone else did. But I never liked it. I've always been pretty much of a health freak. I don't even smoke pot any more. An occasional beer.

Did Rock ever have blood transfusions before he was diagnosed with AIDS, that you know of?

Yes. If some straight people and hemophiliacs have gotten AIDS from blood transfusions, gay people have just as much right to get it that way.

Of course.

They all get it by accident, and we're getting it because we're being promiscuous. That's a horrible aspect.

It's a homophobic aspect.

Yes, it's homophobic prejudice. He had open-heart surgery in '81, and there were a lot of blood transfusions. That took place in Cedars-Sinai Hospital, which is in the heart of West Hollywood. There's a lot of gay blood in those banks. So that is a possibility. I'm not saying that's how it happened, but it's a possibility.

How are you surviving now? Where are you getting income from?

Nowhere. I am a traveling road show, and I've made no money. But I have a few things in the works, that are not related to all this. Are you going to write a book?

There's a possibility of that. I don't know if I'm ready to do it right now. There's too much happening, and it's too soon. Even finding an appointment is going to be hard, because people who know about me may be reluctant to hire me. Not only because of the stigma of the lawsuit and the stigma of being a homosexual, but the stigma of AIDS.

This city is a lot more open about gay actors. Are you thinking about moving here, and maybe trying to get into acting?

Yes, absolutely. I've thought of that. First of all, I detest Hollywood movies. The only good movies that come out are from foreign countries. So I'd rather do stage work, and New York is really the place to do it.

Do you or your lawyer believe that it's criminal negligence if someone doesn't inform someone else that they have AIDS and Yeah. I think about it all the time. All the they are having "high-risk" sex with them?

I am bisexual. Just sexual. I'm ecumenical. Are you afraid of getting sick?

time.

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